Local Dog Can See Future

Local beagle and dachshund mix Trixie, 4, has been able to see the future for the past three days, but has thus far been unable to pass along her learnings of the universe to her owners, causing great consternation in the 14 pound animal.

Trixie was taken for a walk several days ago when a passing spacecraft accidentally beamed the future-seeing ability down while Gorlack V, 345, was cleaning the controls.

“I was doing too many things at once,” said the ancient nine foot tall alien, “and I spilled my coffee all over the future button. I was trying to clean it and I accidentally pressed it. Trolon is going to kill me.”

For the past three days, Trixie has become acutely aware of the next 5 billion years of the universe, seeing life go extinct on her planet before it is swallowed by the expanding sun.

She has been trying to communicate that the seas will boil to her owners, first by barks and scratches, and more recently by digging lots of holes in the backyard.

The chipmunk population in Trixie’s yard has been decimated, as she now knows the exact moment when the rodents will emerge from their dens. Seeking desperately to inform her owners about the massive forest fires that will engulf the town in 2041, she has carried four semi-alive chipmunks into her house, dropping the wet, wriggling creatures on her owner’s lap.