Local Man Has Only Ever Eaten Soup

Local mouse enthusiast and grape repairman Crab Daniels, 42, has admitted after another failed first date that he has never eaten anything but soup.

“I just like it. Look, other foods there’s only one variety of the thing. Steak is steak. You grill it, end of story. BORING. Soup has a million possibilities. Hot soups, cold soups. Chicken soup, potato soup, butternut squash soup. There’s even cucumber soup. People knock cold soups but there’s some really strong ones,” Daniels noted, while tucking into a large bowl of minestrone.

Daniels gives a lot of credit to his parents, who encouraged his soup eating early on.

“Kids laughed at me in school. But my mom said, she said,” as Daniels teared up slightly, “she said ‘Crab, you eat your soup and you eat it proud. You’re my big soup boy’. And that was enough for me. I knew from then on I could only ever eat soup, to show those kids that I am the biggest soup boy."

As Daniel’s story has attracted local media attention, acquaintances have come out of the woodwork questioning Daniels’ account.

“This soup story? I don’t buy it. I saw him eat a taco once,” revealed fellow mouse enthusiast Corn Van, 32. “Sure as the sun shines. We rented a taco truck for one of our Mouse Monthly meetings. He must have had someone buy it for him but I saw him scarfing the thing down behind the dumpster. He was trying to be quiet but he was actually eating it quite loudly, making all sorts of ‘mmmm’ sounds. Makes sense, if you only ate soup for thirty years. Tacos are really good.”