Sexy Beetles Envelope Town

By Sunday Night, it was reported by dozens of locals that small, green, pearlescent beetles were everywhere, and that they were making people feel…excited.

“I saw these little fellers, I mean they are beautiful. They have the most beautiful wings, these cute antennae, and their legs, don’t get me going on the legs,” gushed local turkey inspector Torn Drippy, 56, before excusing himself.

The beetles, unknown in origin, roughly an inch long, and numbering in the thousands, have ground the town to a halt.

“I couldn’t get anyone to do anything today. I just told my pharmacists to take the day off after they spent all morning staring out the window at the things. They damn near tripped over themselves running out the door to go talk to the beetles. Now I never in all my life—oh, hello, what’s your name?" asked Ham Hill Rx owner Martha Hallyhap, 61, after getting distracted by a beetle prancing by.

Mayor Harrington held a press conference in the town square in an attempt to quell the Beetlemania.

“Listen, people of Hamsterdam Hill. I know it is hard to focus when all of these sexy beetles are batting their wings at you. You want to ask them out to dinner, or maybe just for a drink. But remember: we still have to get our work done. You can all flirt with the beetles after work. I’m sure they will oblige, now it is certain that we will get through this…” said Mayor Harrington, before a beetle landed on his podium. “Where was I? Yes we shall endure as a town and….” the Mayor trailed off as his eyes flitted between the crowd and the beetle. “We are a hardworking folk here in Hamsterdam Hill, we do not get distr—” the mayor then covered the mic poorly before whispering to the beetle.

“What am I doing later? Well I think I just had a cancellation.”