Man Arrested After Illegal Tiny-Pool Building

At 11:58PM Ham Hill Police finally arrested Frank Delimarket, 45, of West Hamsterdam Hill, after many residents complained of tiny pools being built in their backyards. The illegal activity has continued unabated for almost three months now, all in the dead of night.

“What I did is, I hide under their porch during the day,” Delimarket explained at his preliminary court hearing. “Alls you gotta do is wait ‘til they go sleepy-sleep, then you can build all the pools’ ya want!”

When Delimarket was asked why he didn’t simply wait until residents went on vacation, he replied, “Boring. Hidin’ under porches is fun. Plus, there’s all sorts a bugs down there that want to be your friend.”

“They really are nice pools,” observed Katie Jesus, 31, when looking at the 17 tiny completed pools now occupying most of her backyard, many outfitted with ornate tiling or multi-colored, inset lights. “Only problem is, they’re very little. See? You can really only fit one leg in. I’m worried Howard, my husband, might get stuck. He’s not as fit as in his bachelor days,” she explained, while rubbing her belly, grinning.

Some residents are enthralled at the new additions to their homes.

“I just don’t understand why they arrested an artist! I mean look at them, they’re beautiful!” shouted local shaman Jaclyn Jerryberry, 52, as she stared in awe at Delimarket’s 32 creations, dotted all across her property, constructed the Tuesday night previous. “Also, they’ve attracted all sorts of local dogs, that drink out of them! I got a bunch of new dogs now.”