Giant Baby Elected to Town Supreme Court

As the latest results for the Hamsterdam Hill Supreme Court rolled in early Wednesday morning, it became clear that the dark horse candidate Doug, 1, would be the winner in a landslide. Doug is the only known Giant Baby in existence, measuring at more than 7 feet in length and weighing over 300 pounds.

Political experts are stunned, but residents have voiced their fervent support for the Baby in recent days.

“Adults have been in charge for a long time, and what have they done for us? Nothin’! It’s time to let a baby take the wheel,” yelled local egg watcher Yanni Quicklestein, 31.

The Baby, son of local couple Barb and Henry Dorkmouth, is expected to be sworn in sometime next week as Chief Justice. His parents are thrilled. “I mean, we had always hoped our little Dougie would get a good paying job, but nothing so soon! This is very helpful for our finances, as he eats over three goats a day.”

The Baby’s election has been fiercely contested, as he will be expected to preside over the much publicized Ham Hill vs. Baby Mobiles Unlimited, in which the local baby mobile manufacturer was expected to be held to task for its many years of negligent labor practices, including refusing overtime pay, dangerously insufficient maintenance of factory equipment, and widespread use of banned chemicals in its products.

This election however, has left prosecutors adamant justice will be served in the upcoming trial.

“There was a clear and direct influence of Baby Mobiles Unlimited on this election. We will not stand by the Baby Court’s likely decision and will be appealing immediately,” declared lead prosecutor Waldorf Salad, 67.

Many independent court observers also note the obvious finger on the scale, as an anonymous donor contributed over $1 million dollars to the Giant Baby’s election fund a mere week before the election took place.

The money helped fuel an aggressive marketing campaign backing Giant Baby, with signs popped up all around town with slogans like “This Baby’s Got Your Back” and “Vote for Giant Baby! He’s a Giant Baby!”

As of press time, it was reported that in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, a massive mobile had been delivered and installed in Giant Baby’s home, featuring an adorable assortment of sharks, fish, and octopuses.