Ham Hill Residents Complain About Exceedingly Normal Week

It was reported at 8:53AM local time that many Hamsterdam Hill townsfolk have had it with the very normal week they have been having.

“It’s like jesus, can’t we have something happen?” complained local hair massager Corinne Traintime, 32. “All this week: just work, enjoying time with my family, and going out and having some drinks with friends. When will it end? I swear to god if I have to continue my routine as usual, uninterrupted, I’m just going to scream.”

Local business owners have also been perturbed at the totally humdrum week, desperate for something even slightly unusual.

“I’ve been selling pies at a totally ordinary rate,” moaned Gary Lord, 42, owner of Lord’s Pies. “The whole week’s been, ‘Hello, how are you? Oh, blueberry? Great, I’ll get that for you right away.’ There was one day when I thought I saw a person wearing a strange hat, but it turned out they were just carrying a box on their head. I guess that’s a bit weird right? Carrying a box on your head? Don’t see that every day!”

The police department, usually overrun with UFO sightings, violent restaurant owners, and supernatural apparitions, has been hit especially hard by the run-of-the-mill week.

“What’ve I been doing? Catching up on paperwork. It’s awful,” whined police chief Sandy Sandy, 56. “By this time in my day I’ve usually already broken up at least one illegal ferret ring. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I’ve had time to file a police report. Jesus, it’s fucking miserable. Look at all these lines. I have to write something on all of them.”