Hot Dog Vendor Denies Using Exotic Meats

Fans of the Ham Hill Long Stockings, Hamsterdam Hill’s semi-pro baseball team, have been alarmed over reports that local hot dog vendor Seb Wheeler, 52, is using exotic meats in his signature “Ham Hill Dogs”.

“I gotta say, they taste like hot dogs, but I swear I thought I saw a bat fly out of his stall the other day. And I don’t want to be eating bat unless I know I’m eating bat. I mean, hell, I’ll eat a bat. But I want to know I’m eating it. That’s my choice!” demanded local hot dog aficionado Randy Garbagepatch, 41.

Wheeler has strenuously denied the accusations that his dogs are laced with strange meat.

"I only use the finest skeletal meats in my dogs, ok? Nothing that I can’t chase down. I have a rule. If I can’t strangle it with my bare hands, it doesn’t go in my dogs. Simple as that. Do you know how hard it is to strangle a bat? Near impossible. I’ve put many hours into trying.”

Wheeler has been a fixture at Ham Hill Long Stockings games for years. He is best known for his cheery disposition, and unusual scars.

“Is that a rat bite?” Asked Fred Jabson, 8, as Wheeler’s forearm was inadvertently revealed upon handing the boy a signature dog at a recent ball game.

“Uh, of course not kid! Don’t you worry about ole Seb. See, a rat bite would be much deeper, like this one, on my le—I mean, of course not, no rat or snake or definitely not mongoose bites, anywhere here. Never been bitten by a mongoose, and not on that arm certainly.”