Mayor Harrington Says "All Citizens May Vote, As Long As They Are Me"

In a sweeping announcement on the eve of the mayoral elections, Mayor Harrington has utilized the grand powers of his office to make some questionable changes to the eligibility of voters.

“It’s quite simple. I’ve realized that when people are not me, they may not vote for me. I have control over my own limbs, see?” observed the mayor, as he demonstrated by swinging his arms and legs about.

“But take Lewis over here, the poor simpleton, he can, regrettably, move his own feet and hands about in whatever manner he pleases, perhaps even casting a vote for my opponent,” Mayor Harrington noted, while pointing to a confused townsperson standing nearby, “I have no dominion over his muscles and sinews. This is why we must ensure that all citizens can vote, but only as long as those citizens are me.”

The latest voting rules changes are consistent with the increasingly bizarre tactics used by the mayor throughout his 12 year term. In one particularly memorable instance, the mayor released dozens of cats tied to tiny helicopters to scare voters away from the polls.

“Those cats were not happy to be helicopters, I will tell you that much,” remembered Barry Pudlip, 33, “I was just about to cast my ballot when several of the cat-copters descended on my head, hissing and clawing at my scalp. I remember seeing the Mayor in the distance, smiling with glee as he manipulated some sort of remote control device. But it was still better than the previous election, I will say that.”

The most controversial of Mayor Harrington’s election time obstacles came in 2012 when he constructed elaborate and dangerous mazes to each polling location.

“So I get through the damn maze, dodging swinging axes and hidden spike traps beneath, and then there’s a dragon at the end,” remarked local egg sniffer Donna Wrapper, 51, “I sighed, then grabbed the sword nearby and smote the beast, but still. Where did he get dragons? I was fairly sure those weren’t real, but you tell that to the burn scars on my feet.”