Godzilla Emerges, then Decides Destroying Town "Not Worth the Energy"

At 6:07AM Monday morning Ham Hill Police began receiving reports that the 7,000 year old reptilian monster had emerged from its volcanic lair in Mount Hamsterdam, before simply looking around, sighing, and returning to its slumber.

“It emerged all triumphant-like, it did that scream thing it does, but after it looked around, it seemed to re-appraise the whole decision,” said Edna Rabble, 45. “Been there on a Monday, am I right or am I right?,” said Edna, while elbowing the air playfully. “Also, it seemed to be upset with all the trash on its mountain.”

Mount Hamsterdam has become the informal center of Hamsterdam Hill’s trash processing efforts in recent years, as major cuts by Mayor Harrington to town services have meant local businesses has popped up offering to “Melt Your Trash!” by dragging it up the mountain face and tossing it in the active volcano. Often times the trash disposers tire of their task and simply leave the rotting bags strewn about the mountain.

“Sometimes I’m just like, dayum, this mountain is real big, you know? And I just leave the trash on the side. You get it close enough to the crater, it will melt anyway, just from the heat and all that. I will tell you the smell up there, wooooo doggy,” exclaimed local ‘Melt Your Trash’ purveyor Stan Porkslap, 31, referring to noxious gray cloud the many half melted bags have left around the mouth of the volcano, “I’m not surprised that big lizard critter gave up after smelling that. I guess we’re kind of all heroes then, right? If our trash did made him reconsider? I’m gonna tell my grandkids about this someday.”