Hamsterdam Hill

"Charming, in a deadly sort of way"

The city of the hill welcomes you home. Hamsterdam Hill, founded in 2014. 

Mayor Harrington Insists Electric Ooze is "Healthy"

Mayor Harrington was forced to hold a press conference from the balcony of his palace this morning, after dozens of terrified residents called into Hamsterdam Hill’s Ooze hotline.

“Listen, people of Ham Hill. We have had many sorts of oozes here over the years. Fiery ones, smelly ones, even cheese ones. This one may be full of electricity, but I say welcome it with open arms. Not literally, though, don’t touch it. It will kill you in an instant.”

The large wave of viscous, electric fluid has been slowly advancing towards the town’s center ever since Ham Hill Syrup & Electric had a major malfunction last week.

“People said we were crazy for making maple syrup and electricity at the same plant,” remarked CEO of Ham Hill Syrup & Electric Cram Rabble Bam, 45, standing on the outskirts of the plant, which was now a sticky ruin. “Turns out they were totally right. We shouldn’t have done this. Christ!” Rabble Bam shouted, as he dodged the sweet, deadly ooze.

The accident reportedly started when a worker attached the syrup production hose into the electricity generator. “You see, I usually handle the syrup production only. But after management fired the entire electricity division last Tuesday, we syrup makers were asked to work syrup and electricity, for ‘synergy’. Just a little miscommunication on the hoses,” admitted syrup hose operator Zandy Puffpants, 27, as electrified plumes of syrup leapt into the air behind her.

Opportunistic entrepreneurs have already sprung out of the woodwork to take advantage of the sticky bonanza.

“Get your Special Syrup here! Add a kick to your pancakes, and run your washer and dryer for mere pennies!” advertised local barn sniffer and entrepreneur Vlad Arp, 32, who had set up a makeshift stand selling bottles of the electrified syrup. “This substance isn’t a blight, it’s an energy revolution! See?” said Arp, who poured an entire bottles’ contents into his car’s gas tank. The car idled for a moment before bursting into flames.

“Well, revolutions aren’t always pretty, you know what I mean?” said Arp, while tamping down the flames with a towel. “Special Syrup, now just a dollar!”