Gunshots Heard in Cotton Candy Field Dispute

The Hamsterdam Hill police were called early wednesday morning when gunshots rang out in the latest battle over cotton candy fields in North Ham Hill. The disputes center around Stinky Johnson, 51, and Radna Grapple, 62, who both claim rights to the highly lucrative confectionary shrubs.

“That cotton candy field has been in my family for generations, I don’t know where Radna gets the nerve. Gramps would send me out there, 3, 4AM to go harvest it. I’d come back a few hours later, my hands all sticky, dozens of flies stuck to various parts of my body. Are the Grapples trying to pretend that my childhood didn’t exist?” yelled an irate Johnson, as he swatted away dozens of flies, hungry for the sweet, air-filled candy that covered his overalls.

“That cotton candy is mine. I planted those shrubs from just a baby cotton candy seed just last week. You know a cotton candy seed when you see one because its bright blue and pink. Everyone says the blue flavor is blue raspberry but I’ll end the controversy now, all the colors are the same flavor. That’s the kind of things you know from managing a cotton candy field all your life. Shoo! Shoo!” boasted Grapple, as she batted away hundreds of eager flies.

Hamsterdam Hill contains some of the only soil in the world suitable for cotton candy to grow, as it is 56% sugar. The fields are worth millions, as cotton candy is the second most popular food in Hamsterdam Hill, after pizza hamburgers, the longtime favorite. Both families have been harvesting the rare plants for decades, with scuffles breaking out every few years. While no one was injured, the latest confrontation left several cotton candy plants smoldering, destroyed from dueling shotgun blasts.

“It tastes like s’mores, kinda,” observed Dolly Grapple, 8, grandson of Radna, as she tore off a gooey, charred chunk from a nearby shrub.