Local Kraken Insists it "Is Only Trying to Give Hugs"

A 4,000 year old octopus-like sea monster, who resides in Ham Hill Bay, insists that it is vastly misunderstood, and is not at all trying to sink ships.

“I really am very friendly,” insisted the ancient, massive creature, “when I flail my tentacles across the bow of a ship and snatch up sailors, I am merely cuddling them, like you tiny humans would do to a puppy, or a baby. I never drag them to the inky depths below, as those tales of legend would have you believe.”

Sailors around Ham Hill Bay have for millennia have described an octopus, perhaps 50 feet in length, that could wreck entire ships with its massive tentacles. But the creature, who insists on being called “Ralph”, has been clear that this is not his handiwork.

“There’s definitely some bad eggs down there, don’t get me wrong,” mentioned Ralph, when referring to its Kraken counterparts, “I got this buddy who I won’t name, but he’s been known to have one too many on a Friday and sink a ship or two. But that’s not me, not at all.. In fact, I saved a swimmer last month who swam out too far, and started to drown. I plucked him out of the sea and returned him to the beach. Unfortunately, I don’t think the swimmer knew I was helping, as he did pass out in my tentacle, before soiling himself.”