Haunted Radio Station Only Plays Sounds of People Eating

An old, derelict radio station up in the hills near Mount Hamsterdam has been exclusively playing sounds of people eating, nonstop, for the past two years, despite having no staff since 1996.

The strange broadcasts have divided opinion in the town.

“Sonically, it’s a masterpiece,” raved local music critic Rain Sanders, 31. “Sometimes the people will mutter about what they’re eating. Those moments in particular, really soar. The punctuation of ‘ooh, that’s good steak’ in the middle of 43 minutes of breathing and mastication really sets the compositions apart from the mainstream drivel you hear on non-haunted radio stations.”

The eating sounds are remarkably varied, with a decent mix of slurping, chewing, mashing, and smacking. There is even a fair number of burps and satisfied sighs thrown in.

“I just wait for the farts. You don’t see them coming but then bang! Fart o’ clock. I’ll sit by the radio for two days just for one, good fart,” raved local boot kisser Harley Face, 21.

Some angry residents have banded together to protest the radio station, with some particularly angry residents adamant that the station be destroyed.

“People used to listen to ME chew!,” complained local garbage polisher Dopey Pie, 58, “I used to charge $3 a head, twice a week. I’d have people coming from two towns over. They’d ask me ‘what are ya eatin’ tonight, Dopey?’ I was a star! Not anymore, though. Now these damned ghosts are givin’ it away for free.”