Mysterious Foam Slowly Envelopes Town

It was reported at 3:47AM local time by a young boy that foam seemed to be advancing upon the large majority of Hamsterdam Hill. “I noticed it when I snuck out my window to go eat dirt”, blurted young ruffian Daniel Day-Bridge, 7. “It looked like what happened that one time when I put all of the dishwasher soap in the tub and mommy was screaming”.

The foam continued its march as the sun rose on Ham Hill, resulting in confusion, traffic jams, and apparently, slight euphoria. “When I step into its nasty mist, I feel like we are all one, you know?” remarked local drum massager Quad Wheelan, 34, “And my past traumas seem to melt away. I got some in my mouth though, and it tastes like a foot.”

Police chief Sandy Sandy has noted that the townsfolk have been more docile since the foam arrived. “Honestly, it’s the quietest day we’ve had so far. Normally by 10AM we’re up to our ears in corn thefts and naked jugglers. But today? I’ve just had the one incident, and it was someone breaking their friend’s house to leave them a gift basket.”

The cause of the foam is still unknown, but heavy suspicion is falling on local researcher Ralph McDonaugh, 58, who, despite being on probation after causing the Great Cheese Wave of 2014, has seemingly continued his experiments. While McDonaugh could not be reached for comment, he was seen at the top of the balcony of his Science Castle, cheering on the foam’s unrelenting progress. “LET’S GO FOAM! LET’S GO FOAM! FOAM FOAM FOAM! FOAM FOAM FOAM!”