"Hat Man" Reappears

The “Hat Man”, long known to haunt to dense forest around Hamsterdam Hill, appears to have made his triumphant return after not being seen or heard from by locals in nearly 20 years.

Local barn blogger Deb Blorm, 45, was the first to spot the mythical figure. “I was wandering into town to sell my Fart Candles, and there he was on top of the state house, grilling a sausage. Like it was totally normal. He’s a real hoot, that one. I’d vote for him. By the way, you want a candle? They’re only $30 each.”

The “Hat Man”, as he is only known, has no known relatives and is only known for his popular habit of “hatting” random townspeople, to the delight of everyone around. “Hatting” involves the placing of a hat on one’s head, without their consent.

“It was weird, but at least I got this hat. I still have it. See? I’m wearing it right now,” remarked John Quincy, 60, of West Hamsterdam Hill. “But I don’t approve of his timing. He interrupted me and my wife’s special time, and I nearly shot him! That is until I saw how beautiful the stitching was on this hat. Plus, its blue! I like blue.”

The Hat Man fled town 20 years ago as his popularity grew and local politicians feared his influence. “He spreads warmth and joy, and we just can’t have that,” explained Ham Hill lawmaker Gary Evil, 84. “So from this day forward, I propose that all hats be made illegal, post haste!” A severe hat tax has since been instituted, and the Hat Man has not been seen since.

Wizards have hailed the Hat Man’s arrival, with the expectation that he is in town to start a movement against the oppressive hat tax. “It is technically possible to do spells with no hat, but it’s simply not the same.” remarked Sandar the Sane, 107. “Let’s be honest here, the cool hat is about 50% of the whole wizard game.”