Extraterrestrial Shocks Townsfolk by Purchasing Black Licorice

At 2:09AM Ham Hill PD confirmed that several townsfolk had reported seeing a short, pale, green-gray humanoid purchasing an XL bag of black licorice at Dan’s Cigarettes n’ Junk, and were deeply disturbed by what they witnessed.

“I mean, I never seen one of them space aliens, but also, who the fuck buys an XL bag of black licorice? That stuff’s gross,” observed local egg watcher Thad Duncan, 24.

The shop owner was also dumbfounded by what he witnessed.

“I was so dadgum surprised, I mean, right hand to god this seemed like he was actually buying an extra large bag of black licorice! I ain’t sold one of those in the 32 years i’ve run my shop — I had totally forgotten I even had a bag kicking around. He must’ve had to rummage past the kitty litter even to get to it. Oh yeah, and he certainly seemed to be a bona fide space martian. He came right up to the counter, dropped three glowing coins, and just walked out like it was a normal Tuesday afternoon. I was so shocked he bought that licorice, I plum forgot to tell him that I don’t accept radioactive currency!”

Additional eyewitnesses corroborated seeing a small green man arrive at the gravel parking lot of the popular shop in an oblong craft about the size of a Fiat. The spaceship made no sound as it hovered several feet above the ground, until the extraterrestrial emerged from the vehicle, apparently emitting a disgruntled groan while doing so. Eyewitnesses also reported that the creature was muttering to itself as it walked to the shop, something along the lines of “can’t believe” and “have to write a report on this shithole”.

Local electrical outlet tester and dog stylist Wanda Jetson, 46, was also flabbergasted at the visitor.

“I had just picked up my weekly carton of Marlboros and was about to get in my pickup and sure enough, clear as day, space alien, walking right across that parking lot. I said to myself ‘Wanda, you pinch yourself right now, cuz I cannot believe my eyes. What is he, not wearing shoes?’ What kind of intergalactic being doesn’t wear shoes? Just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean you’re an alien, sure, fine, whatever, but no shoes?? Insane. Does it know there might be nails in that parking lot? How could it know, for sure?”