Ham Hill Police Overwhelmed by Jean Marinators

John McJimmyJohns, 76, of West Hamsterdam Hill, is the leading jean marinator in the world. The renowned artisan has been hailed for his revolutionary work, which has spawned an entire industry. 

"Never before did I dare to dream about jean marinating. Because I couldn't even conceive of why or for what possible reason one would resort to marinating jeans. But it turns out, there was a large, untapped portion of the population that was ready and eager to shove their old pants in a rubbermaid container for 6 months, along with a good measure of seasoning", notes venerable jean marination scholar Roberta Folart, 34. "Why, before jean marination came along, many aspiring jean marinators spent the better parts of their weekends putting salt shakers into bags of spoiled olive oil, known locally as 'Soiling', which was never as satisfying as it sounds."

Top jean marinators from around the world have flocked to Ham Hill, often resorting to stalking, to glean any and all secrets from the elusive and revered master McJimmyJohns. 

"We slept behind his car yesterday, and I almost perished", revealed Dorm Watson, 21, a junior jean marinator from Western Kentucky. "He didn't see me on account of I was camouflaged as a dead leaf. He was nones the wiser of my presence directly behind his back wheels." 

McJimmyJohns himself is wary of the newfound fame. "I just wish they wouldn't hide behind my vehicle. I've hit nearly a baker's dozen in the past week alone. Why if they just knocked on my front door, I'd be happy to dispense with as much marinatin' wisdom as they wish."

As of press time, more than 15,000 jean marinators had gathered outside McJimmyJohn's residence, overwhelming local police. "I mean, they're excited about soaking their old jeans in a variety of rubs and oils. Hey, I'm into that just as much as the next guy", observed police chief Sandy Sandy. "I just hope the young folk stop forcin' themselves into McJimmyJohn's chimney. They keep getting stuck in there."