Local Woman Arrested for Putting Out Fires

Janet Janet, 34, of North Hamsterdam Hill, escaped from police custody early Wednesday morning after her arrest for putting out fires. The fires, property of Harry's Fires LLC, were extinguished at the behest of their owner, Harry Man, 43, who had recently gotten his fledgling business off the ground. "I ain't sold any fires yet, but I have had visions at night of my great and enduring success. God will save me from the demons that leap at the borders of my mind."

Local residents are bitterly divided on the incident. "She got arrested for putting out fires? Why that-- Wait that does make sense. Nevermind." commented Donna Jamsen, 33. "Fires need to be sold, like anything else", she continued, "It's just like selling mice, rabbits, or children. I always say if you can suffocate it, by george you can sell it." Janet Janet, whose whereabouts remain unknown, is regarded among the community as 'likely the worst' person to go camping with.