Dozens Dead in Cheese Castle Collapse

It was reported at 6:09AM local time that at least 27 people are dead as a result of the Cornelius Cheese Castle collapsing during the most important yearly meeting of the Cheese Guild. Cornelius McRingtonberry, 92, the leader of the guild, was the only person to escape. "That will show them not to mess with the king", McRingtonberry was spotted muttering outside the collapsed castle, before threatening this reporter. "You tell anyone, you got McRingtonberry on your back. You don't want that."

McRingtonberry is under suspicion as he had only the previous night installed a massive 'Melt Manipulator' on his residence, stating in a presser, "I don't know what to spend my money on anymore. I'm trying everything. You can't blame me. I blame you, in fact! Release the wolves!" McRintonberry then shrieked, releasing several dozen grey wolves on assembled journalists.

The Cheese Guild was established only just last year as "A way to get all my enemies in one place, all at once", according to the organization's official charter. 

McRingtonberry is well known for his empire of cheese-related goods, including the best-selling "Anti-Cheese Knife", which, instead of cutting cheese, cuts the user whilst they attempt to cut cheese. Sales have continued to rise despite the tragedy at the Cheese Castle. "I get so excited when someone new comes over, and they ask if I have anything to cut with!" Tierney Palomey, 33, local fart tamer and bear friend, explained, excitedly, when describing her latest Anti-Cheese Knife purchase, "Then I just wait for the gasps and screams. I have way more people over now."