Local Squirrels Enlarge Dangerously

It was reported at 4:52 PM local time that several squirrels had rapidly expanded to remarkable sizes. The largest of them grew to nearly 8 feet at the shoulder, roughly the size of an African elephant. The massive rodents immediately set to destroying the town, indiscriminately plucking up locals to store in their cheeks. 

The terrifying creatures flattened entire homes in their mad rampage, having come up empty in their search for boulder size nuts. 

The cause of the squirrel's expansion is unknown, but suspicion has fallen on Professor Bo Jangles, a local scientist who has been testing various versions of his Big Boy Growth Serum on Hamsterdam Hill animals for decades. "Get 'im rodents the size of yo' house, that'll teach 'im" remarked Jangles, 59, of West Ham Hill. "Don't have no body botherin' you if you got Big Boy Growth Serum."

Mr. Jangles has been arrested numerous times over the years after repeatedly capturing local resident's cats and demanding ransom from their owners, once only returning the cat in exchange for several signed copies of Jangles' only published work, the novel Erotica in Seductia. Those were the only copies ever sold.