Bats Complete Swimming Class Somewhat Successfully

It was reported at 5:55 AM local time that the first semester of Bats 4 Swimming commenced in an abandoned pool in West Hamsterdam. 169 bats successfully completed the one and a half minute semester, with only 346 deaths, a record low. Barbara Barbara, 87, had this to say when interviewed by reporters this morning. "You half wit long haired weed smoking scum! Don't you look my cat in the eyes! He'll kill ya!"  Other residents were not quite as pleased with the recent display of animal scholarship in the town. "Where are all the cat community college classes? Then you could call it 'CCCC', or 4Cs! Oh my god that's a great idea I'm going to be a millionaire!" Droy Breeny, 24, of South Hamsterdam commented after hearing of the clandestine bat commencement. The bats were heard partying throughout the early morning, drunk off the blood of grazing cattle on Sutter's Farm, which was adjacent to the ceremony. Hearing this, Farmer Sutter, enraged, ran screaming into the town square throwing rocks at passing people. "Damned teenagers, drinking all my blood! Where's Sutter's blood?! How's ole Sooty supposed to FEEL anymore?!"