A Loving Message From Your Dear Leader

Hello Citizens of Hamsterdam Hill,

I understand that the residents of our fine town are growing concerned over the recent law banning fornication until your mayor gets some of the nasty. I ensure you that this law is for your own good. 

I will no longer be ignored at bars, called names or left out of your reindeer games! This law will be enforced and remain intact until I am satisfied! I thought when I fled from the law and started this town that I would become a beloved leader that everyone admires, but that is clearly not the case. Now you will all feel my wrath. 

Also, please stop writing letters to complain about the abundance of bear traps in town. Sure we haven't seen any bears yet, but the minute you see one you'll be super glad that there's bears traps everywhere.

Forever yours,
Mayor Harrington