Jellybean Champ Meets Sad End

Local man Sergio Rodriguez, 34, notable competitive eater, lobbyist, and author, recently failed in his attempt to eclipse his own world record of eating 763,421 jellybeans in one sitting. 

"There's just so many jellybeans one man can eat," A disappointed Rodriguez stated at his press conference immediately following the event. Fans of the four time ice - cream champion eater defended their star eater in the face of his most disappointing display. 

"We still love Sergio. Critics have to remember he is still a world champion. Anyone who can eat 43 pounds of mac and cheese is certainly a hero to me, and one day, I hope, my son." stated fan and avid eater Paul Johnson. A visibly exhausted Rodriguez was seen repeatedly checking his blood sugar throughout the half hour presser. 

"I didn't know it could go this high." an alarmed Rodriguez stated when reading his latest readout, "I should see my doctor right now." 

Fans refused to believe their idol could be suffering from something as trivial as diabetes. As fan and local cable tv access host Carol Carolington stated, "Sergio does not get sick. We hear tales of his eating jellybeans morning, noon, and night for weeks to train. He possesses the body of a superhuman." Rodriguez made repeated attempts to humanize himself in the face of such blinding adulation, but his supporters were smarter than that. 

"Please, let me leave. I really don't feel well. I think I may be going blind, and I can't feel my foot." Rodriguez stated before he appeared to lose consciousness and collapse in a heap, which his supporters were also not buying.

"Oh, that's our Sergio, always just trying to seem like 'one of the guys'" commented supporter Kelsey Mickelson, as Mr. Rodriguez stopped moving.

- Fred Marsden Commenting Live