Man Frightened of Underpants Dissapearance

Local Bird Enthusiast Howard Washington, 52, would like his neighbors to stop rearranging his underwear drawer. Anna Miller is on the scene with the full report from Washington himself.

"Everytime I go a-drinkin' the next morning my unmentionables are all over the place!" I know it's those damned Webbs next door. They've always been jealous of my undies!"

Washington would also like his neighbors to stop defecating in his shower after he takes too much of his medication.

"When I take my turquoise yummies, as I call them, I pass out in a great hurry. But without fail when I a-come to there is a great stink emanating from my cleanin' stall. I know its those Webbs usin' it! Only hillbillies like them'id do such a thing!"

Just before this reporter left, Washington was seen attempting to milk his car, then, realizing he would likely not get the liquid he seeked, resigned himself to laying under the vehicle until a neighborhood cat sat directly on his face.

-Anna Miller Reporting Live