String of Pig Makeovers Terrify Locals

   Local makeup artist and otter memoribila collector David Johnson, 42, is set to be arraigned Monday on a series of breaking and entering charges. After seven weeks of stealing pigs, giving them makeovers, then placing them back in their owners property with ads for his animal makeup service, he was finally arrested after a standoff ended in a police chase. Ed Sullivan is there with the report.

  “Hello Barbara I am at ground zero of what were dubbing ‘bacongate’ and it’s a hectic scene down here.”

   “Yes, it appears so.  Is it true police finally caught Johnson only because of one of his own pigs is testifying against him?”

   “At this stage we can safely say that it was one of two of Johnson’s closest known associates, either miss squiggles, or her longtime lover, P.I.G, as he is reportedly known, are responsible for the leak.”

   "Thank you ed, for that update. But of course we all know where to go for pig makeovers, my very own Anna's pig service! $40 per pig, half off on sunday."

   Having families torn apart by this prolonged period of pig related violence, residents worry if their little town will ever be the same. Mother Janna Jamson had this to say,

“You just don’t feel safe any more. I go out to the market and I feel like I might be jumped by assorted pork and their henchmen."

Assorted Pork, or (Ass), is a thinly veiled all pig criminal organization that have been runnning illegal operations around area for the past decade. The investigation is ongoing but this reporter thinks that she wouldn't mind being given a real fucking assignment for a change.

- Anna Miler On the Case