How To: Buy a Llama

You'll need:

1. A radio
2. A lot of chutzpah

OK then! Let's get started.

1. Hold your breath for as long as you can. 
2. You look ridiculous. 
3. Once out of breath, try it again. I'm sure you can beat your old record!
4. Longer!
5. Upon waking up, realize you are no longer clothed. 
6. Search in vain for your missing clothing.
7. Wander around totally naked, eventually ending up in a market.
8. Ask, "Does anyone have a llama I can buy?" to no one in particular. 
9. Become enraged when no one responds, threatening, "I'll buy a llama one way or another. I don't care how I have to do it."
10. Flee when police arrive. 
11. Scramble on all fours to the woods, eluding the authorities. 
12. Become one with the forest, forsaking all material possessions. 
13. Commune with the forest god.
14. Realize they are a bit of a dummy. 
15. Return to civilization, never speaking of your time in the forest.  
16. Roughly a 50/50 chance you go crazy hiding your secret, and begin building a rocket in your backyard. 
17. Declare to neighbors, routinely, that, "The secrets of the stars are the key to the future!" and avoid their judging gaze. 
18. Continue to tinker with the rocket. You should probably add more engines.
19. Around this point you will lose custody of your children. 
20. Become extremely relieved about that fact. 
21. Let's light up that rocket, baby!
22. Awaken, singed, somewhere nearby.
23. Do you still have your limbs? 
24. If YES to 23,  continue to 25, If NO, well, this one is on me. I'll getcha back, man!
25. Congrats! You are a rocketeer! 
26. Sell your story to a local newspaper for $400, making up most of it and embellishing the rest.
27. Purchase a Llama.