How To: Milk a Dinosaur with George Winston

Hey there ya pack of blithering idiots! Big ole nasty GW here to instruct you on the finer points of Dino-milking. Dino-milking, besides being a thrilling and lucrative professional sport, can provide a nice outlet for those morning rage-fits. You guys get those too, right? Please tell me you do. 

You'll need to pick up some doodads from the local bazaar for this one: 

1. A largish oaf
2. Grease
3. More than one peanut

Let's do this, people!

1. Feed the oaf some breakfast; this will be a long day for him. 
2. Tie your oaf to a tree, making sure he doesn't know what's going on. He won't suspect a thing.
3. Grease your oaf up good. 
4. Instruct the oaf to yell, "Dinosaurs, come and get me!" 
5. Dinosaurs will likely come running from miles around, excited by your oaf's plea. 
6. Give the oaf a peanut; he's really knocked this one out of the park.
7. You can give him another peanut, if you wish. 
8. Not too too many peanuts; we wouldn't want to spoil him, get him all hooked on peanuts. 
9. When you feel your oaf has had a satisfactory amount of peanuts, consult with the dinosaurs. 
10. The dinosaurs will begin the process of electing a leader, through a series of trials. The first and most famous trial is the Dino-Milking. 
11. Your oaf may begin dancing, overjoyed at the Milking's imminent start. 
12. Approach the biggest Dino, and slap it on the bum. 
13. It should respond positively to this, allowing you to milk it. 
14. Put all of your fresh squeezed Dino-Milk in little jars. 
15. Find some cute stickers to put on the jars. 
16. Sell them at your local farmer's market, screaming, "Fresh Dino-Milk here! Get your Dino-Milk! Cheapest Dino-Milk in the Land!"
17. You are lying. Deborah's Dino-Milk is much cheaper. But no one has to know that. 
18. Stake out Deborah's home for weeks, learning her habits and routines. 
19. When she leaves the house, steal all of her Dino-Milk, and use her bathroom. 
20. It is imperative to use her bathroom. You have to show her who's boss. 
21. You are the boss, if that wasn't clear from step 20.
22. Sorry if step 20 wasn't super duper clear. 
23. Deborah's milk in hand, you will have cornered the dino-milk market. 
24. Celebrate with the dinosaurs. This is their win too, after all. 
25. If the oaf comes to the party, make sure he thinks it's his birthday. If he buys it, you've killed two birds with one stone.