How To: Raise Sheep

You'll need:

1. 10 large goats (NOT SHEEP!)
2. 47 red blankets
3. A lot of wet newspaper
4. Coloring books

All right then! Let's get started.

1. Place goats on blankets an equal distance from one another.
2. Instruct the goats to relax. 
3. Let the goats know you are leaving, but will be back soon.
4. Give each goat a coloring book.
5. Form the wet newspaper into a humanoid shaped mound.
6. Let the goats know that the wet newspaper mound will take very good care of them in your absence.
7. Be sure the goats know to address the wet mound as "The Goatkeeper." 
8. Quietly place a hidden camera nearby to record The Goatkeeper's progress. 
9. Wave goodbye and find somewhere to go for a while. The Goatkeeper will have to learn to handle things on his own.
10. Return in three to four weeks to review the hidden camera's footage. 
11. If The Goatkeeper has successfully taught the goats science, art, and arithmetic by the time you get back, congratulations! You are a proud papa. 
12. Embrace your Goatkeeper and hold him, lovingly, for however long you like.