How to: Boil Clams by Anonymous
A step by step guide:
- Purchase 3 lbs. raw clams
- Sit them down and give them a good talking-to.
- When AND ONLY WHEN they have shown remorse for their crimes (they'll know what they've done), drop them in a pot of water.
- Set the water on high heat, and season with salt.
- Leave the house for a few days.
- Sign the title deed to your house over to the clams; let's face it they deserve it far more than you anyway.
- Have the clams form a representative democracy complete with a legislative, executive, and judicial branch.
- Beg the clam-ocracy to let you back into your former home.
- Once inside, curl up into a ball and sob uncontrollably for hours.
- Serve with a nice side of mashed potatoes.