How To: Make a Stinky Pirate by Anonymous

1. Grab a pint of gin.

2. Wrestle with it for a minute or two.

3. Ask it for its birthday.

4. When it responds, reject its answer.

5. Assign it whatever fucking birthday you want.

6. On that day next year, throw out the pint of gin, and curse yourself.

7. You should stop drinking, you embarrassment.