Hunt for Cheese Boy Enters Second Week

Ham Hill Police have asked residents to help with the search for the Cheese Boy, also known as Trevor Doom, 12. He is the “son” of local mad scientist Abner Doom, 69.

“Well I mean technically he is not my son, he is a boy-shaped piece of cheese I brought to life. But I love him as if he was my boy. You best watch yourselves when searching though, as he is vicious,” stated the mysterious scientist, who created the boy from an amalgam of cheddar, gouda, and gruyere about 12 years back. “People say he’s a monster, and honestly they’re not wrong. I think I went with a bit too much lightning when I yanked his cheese body into consciousness. But wow, did he smell great. Like a fresh baked pizza.”

The Cheese Boy is not to be approached, as he has already assaulted several curious searchers.

“I was on my back porch, and I heard something growling. Sure enough, it was that Cheese Boy. He had Mr. Pickles in his mouth!” cried local pole cleaner Sven Forp, 42, referring to his chihuahua. “I ran at the Boy with a broom, yelling at him to drop Mr. Pickles. He finally did, but not before hissing at me, and nearly swallowing my precious pooch. There There, Mr. Pickles, you’re all right.” Forp appeared to be washing cheese-based saliva from the tiny dog.

It is feared that the Cheese Boy is now too feral to be caught, and will join up in the wild with other of Dr. Doom’s escaped creations.

“We’re especially fearful that he may join forces with Ham Girl, and form a delicious, and potentially deadly, crime couple, not unlike Bonnie and Clyde,” noted Police chief Sandy Sandy, 37, chuckling to herself. “Now if we could just find Marble Rye Man, we’d have a pretty good lunch spread going. ….I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.”