Seasonal "Autumn Boy" Celebrations Come to Abrupt End

At 11:48PM on only the second day of the yearly Autumn Boy celebrations, it was reported that all festivalgoers had fled the premises after a catastrophic explosion of the massive “Happy Cider” tanker, filled with 21,000 gallons of the town’s most popular hard apple cider.

The annual fall festival is based on the ancient regional folk tale of the Autumn Boy. It is said that hundreds of years ago, their lived a small boy who, late at night, sneaked into his parent’s cupboard and ate the last piece of Rhubarb & Meat pie, which in those days was the most delicious pie of all. After wolfing the piece down with the cupboard door still open, the boy headed back to bed, confident of his crime’s success. But just as he stepped on the first stair, he heard a bone-chilling whisper from somewhere in the shadows.

“Oh little boy, ye likes the rhubarb pie?”

The little boy froze in place, terrified, as the formless voice continued,

“Then he who eats the pie shall become a pie forevermore!”

And in one swift motion, a witch appeared from the darkness and cast a spell on the boy, who deftly ducked, avoiding the spell which rebounded off of a hallway mirror directly back onto the spellcaster, who promptly turned into a rhubarb pie for eternity. The folk tale is meant to instill the value of stealing, which in Hamsterdam Hill culture is considered a noble pursuit and currently the third most popular major at Ham Hill University.

The Happy Cider tanker exploded shortly after this year’s Autumn Boy was revealed. As the sugary booze burst forth, residents were tossed about in the tempest’s wake, but no major injuries were reported. The owner of Happy Cider, Edith Nickelmaker, 64, revealed that she is most likely to blame. “I don’t know see what all the fuss is about. Is everyone mad because of the explosion that I set up? You millenials overreact to everything. Next you’re going to be upset because of the rat-based delivery system I’m testing. It’s very efficient, and provides jobs for hard-working rats. Rats are people too, you know.”

“I personally enjoyed the Happy Cider explosion,” mumbled Buzz Rumpleton, 32, local yard watcher, of West Hamsterdam Hill. “I liked it because you didn’t have to walk up to the cider booth to get a cup. The cider came to you.”