Ham Hill Government Enters Historic Working Period

At approximately 5:46 this morning, Ham Hill’s Legislature achieved a historic milestone, officially marking the longest amount of days in Hamsterdam Hill’s history that the government was functioning consecutively, a total of 17 working days. “I mean, we haven’t been working weekends or anything, but let me tell you, these 5 day work weeks are a killer. Real tough on ‘Daddy’s Casino-Time’, if you know what I mean’’ stated Hamsterdam Hill lawmaker Jamson Slidall, 34, making liberal use of air quotes while elbowing this reporter suggestively.

Residents are equally unenthused about the new state of affairs. “We’re not used to people pickin’ up the trash around here! I have an empire that those damn government overlords ought to learn to respect!” exclaimed Dale Dysentary, 57, of North Ham Hill, who has been selling garbage in the town square for inflated prices throughout most of Hamsterdam Hill’s history. With no usual garbage pickup to speak of, Dysentary has dominated the local garbage trade for decades. “I always tell newcomers, you want trash, you better go through me. You can go through others, but you will soon be dead. Again, it’s fine! But just know that you will be dead, should you choose that route.”

Planes, used to complicated emergency landings due to the town’s complete lack of air traffic controllers, landed with relative ease for the first time in years. “I mean, you still had wild dogs covering most of the runway” explained veteran pilot Martin O’Malley, 64, “but at least I didn’t have to actively dodge oncoming aircraft. It routinely startles me that I am still alive.”