Bigfoot's Steakhouse Closes

Bigfoot's Celebrity Steakhouse closed this morning in Central Hamsterdam Hill after 15 years in business. The local health board was forced to shut it down for what was described in its report as "The smell. But the fact that I couldn't locate its source is more the reason."

Diners in recent weeks have expressed concerns at what they described as "a smell of wet dog combined with seafood that's been left in a hot car." Questions have also been raised about the rising floorboards, bulging out as much as six inches in places. 

"Hey are you the missing like between humanity and apes? Huh? Are you? Oh you want to come at me? Come get some, brotha!" Bigfoot responded angrily in an interview last week when asked about pleas from residents and town officials to close his extremely popular restaurant. 

The restaurant's popularity has never been linked to its food. One reviewer described the 'Aged Prime Rib' as "I think this is chicken. Although I've never seen chicken wearing a watch." Most patrons visited only to get a glimpse of the owner, who was rarely around. However, you could reliably get a picture with the Bigfoot mascot that made the rounds most weeknights. 

In unrelated news, farmers around town have been disappearing with alarming frequency for the past 15 years.