Portal to Hell Appears

Local residents were alarmed when a portal to hell opened up earlier this afternoon beneath Hamsterdam Hill Town Hall.

Residents were especially concerned when the portal did not appear to have any ice cream, roller coasters, or malls inside of it. 

"Portal to hell. More like portal to schmell. Where are all the shopping malls? I was told there would be shopping malls in there." complained resident Faye Galley, 49.  

"This portal to hell better be better than the last one", Bobby Janson, 11, said of the phenomenon. "Do I still have to go to school? I don't right?"  

"It's mostly a teeming mass of horror and sadness" local goat plumber Dan Dan, 35, lamented of the portal. "Nothing in there as far as any type of dessert or theme park. Not even a zoo or nothin'."