Wizards, Sportsmen Protest Hat Tax

Hat-wearers of all stripes gathered by the hundreds in Hamsterdam Square to protest the recent tax placed on "all objects which are actively or accidentally placed upon the head". The tax has been especially poorly received by local wizards and the Ham Hill Long Stockings, the local semi-pro baseball team, who are facing fines of $50 per player per game. 

"The players know how to play with their hats in their mouths, but it's much more difficult." Randy Dayman, 54, manager of the Long Stockings explained, exasperated, at the rally, "And we've already had our third baseman asphyxiate on account of forgetting to breathe."

When asked for an explanation on where all the tax hat revenue is going, lawmaker Turwin Yern, 67, stated, "Hey what is that? Yes, just behind you. No, further off....yes, that's it....waaay over... there!" before jumping into a vehicle and peeling away from the statehouse at great speed. 

Some residents, including local farm ruminator and yogurt collector Parwinin Jab, 45, are extremely pleased with the new regulation. "I've been saying this for years. Those with hats are liars of the worst kind. Only once the darkness under the hat is revealed can we truly help to put them on the path." Registrations for Jab's Anti-Hat League are up more than 700% since the tax was enacted. "People mostly join for Anger Time, but we have other activities", Jab noted, referring to her organizations' "Meeting Fights", which have been known to last well into early morning. 

As of press time it was reported that lawmaker Turwin Yern has purchased an entire island, an impressive feat considering his Ham Hill congressional salary is $23,000 per year.