How To: Make Soup with George Winston

Now I know y'all have missed me over the past couple months. I've been away on business, which is to say that it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHERE I WAS! Absolutely none. And If I find out you simple minded boobs have been inquiring as to what activities I have been engaging in, you will find yourselves on the business end of Winston's right boot. Not a place you want to be, unless you are that car window last week. That one bled ole booty mightily. But let's not make this about me. I know you clods will listen to every word I say, so listen good. This here's the only recipe for soup you'll ever need. 

Materials list: 

1. Chicken Stock
2. Flour
3. A Great Inner Sickness

Well, let's create some soup, now why don't we. 

1. Get out your largest soup pan, and set one quart of chicken stock and one quart of water to a rollicking boil. 
2. After it reaches a boil, turn down the heat and add oregano and rosemary. 
3. Catch your reflection in the window, taking note of how old and frail you look. 
4. Lament on the many mistakes of your life, staring out the window for as long as it takes to reconcile all of life's many missed opportunities. 
5. Add some celery and potatoes to the stock. 
6. Was that the doorbell?
7. Better go check, just in case you missed somebody. 
8. Get to the door, and discover no one there. 
9. Once the celery and potatoes have softened up, add in two pounds of previously boiled chicken, and salt and pepper the soup liberally. 
10. While the chicken soaks in the flavor of the broth, wander upstairs to where your pet mouse, Henry, lives. 
11. Take Henry out of his cage and stroke his back gently, basking in how delicate life can be. 
12. Ask Henry if "Henry loves his daddy, doesn't he? Not like the mean people. Not like them!"
13. Go check on the soup, it should be done! Add tiny noodles if you like. 
14. Plate your soup, adding a little garnish of parsley to spice up the presentation. 
15. Henry might like some soup, now wouldn't he? 
16. Once Henry has answered in the affirmative, find a mouse-sized soup vessel somewhere. 
17. You don't have mouse-sized soup vessels? How odd, and frankly, irresponsible of you. 
18. Discover that you can simply feed him his soup off a small spoon. 
19. Once Henry has finished his meal, give him a tiny kiss on his filthy mouse head. 
20. After washing the dishes, eat an entire pint of ice cream while standing up.