How To: Mix a Dramatic Dragon with Art Ester

Hey there how-toers! If you're anything like me, you've spent the past 8 months of winter locked in a tiny room, shrieking at the walls. If you're also like me, you are quite ready for a stiff drink at any hour of the day. Here's the recipe for the Dramatic Dragon, a drink I learned to mix while hiding out in Tibet on the run from Chinese authorities.

Materials list: 

1. 2 gallons Creme de menthe
2. Several bottles of Baijiu (a chinese spirit)
3. Chinese Spirits (the ghost kind)

Let's get mixin'!

1. Start drinking the Creme de menthe. Quicker than that! 
2. Invite a group of friends over to your home.
3. Demand everyone come prepared with a ghost story. 
4. Make sure Donny comes this time, even if he protests at first. He'll come around. 
5. Gather everyone around a fire pit, and instruct them to recount their scariest ghost story. 
6. Interrupt just as the first person starts sharing, screaming, "Too scary, too scary! I said not too scary!", and flee the room, hiding in a bathroom upstairs. 
7. Hide in the bathroom for several minutes, before realizing being in the bathroom alone is pretty scary.
8. Run from the bathroom, being sure to look behind you when escaping to make sure monsters aren't trying to grab your feet. 
9. Curse yourself for not turning all of the lights on in the house before everyone came over. 
10. Rejoin the group with a guilty but cool smile, casually remarking, "Ghost stories can get intense, huh? Anybody need another beer, red pepper dip, anything? I'll get the cocktails started, then we can get into some cards against humanity, ok?" 
11. Pop into the kitchen, and get your large mixing bowl.
12. Do you have a large mixing bowl? I think you do. There's gotta be something like a large mixing bowl in here. 
13. Rummage around unsuccessfully for 10 minutes or so, confirming your fears. 
14. Empty a bag of chips, you can mix the drinks in there! It'll be more of a "mixing bag", but I think the basic physics of the thing work out. 
15. Quickly discover that the basic physics of the "mixing bag" do not, indeed, work out. 
16. Return to the circle with a large bottle of Baijiu, and pass it around, explaining in an irritating tone, "This is a famous Chinese spirit. It's really good. It's actually the most drunk spirit on earth, in terms of volume, if you cared to know."
17. Discover that everybody didn't care to know. 
18. When the bottle comes around to you again, take a big enough swig so that you feel like you are being courageous but not so much that everyone thinks you're a drunk. 
19. Take too big of a swig, and splutter Baijiu all over your feet and the floor.