How To: Make Potato Pie with George Winston

Hey there you useless piles of rat excrement, big ole honkin' GW here to set you straight on that murderous cretin that is Art Ester. If you ever get close enough to smell him, just know you will likely be killed by the sheer force of his musk. Some say his mere presence can melt the paint right off your walls. 

Without further ado, let's get into making that most fashionable of pies, the Potato. 

You'll need: 

1. Forms
2. Letters of Recommendation
3. Terrified critters (small critters, please)

OK then, let's get this show on the road, you hairless group of rabble. 

1. Ensure there are no plots to assassinate you. 
2. This can be done by going undercover in your local Murder Guild. 
3. After you gain the trust of a senior Guild Member, inquire as to if your crew will be murdering anyone fitting your description. 
4. If they are, ensure that you have your affairs in order. 
5. If you don't have any affairs, you're all set. 
6. Construct a crude facsimile of yourself, involving large amounts of Elmer's Glue and cardboard. 
7. Whilst all your fellow Guild members are watching, stand at the top of the town hall with your facsimile, and proclaim how much you are enjoying the view from the top of said town hall. 
8. With great drama, and after dousing it with pasta sauce, throw your facsimile off of the roof, screaming as it falls. 
9. With everyone fooled, you will be free to flee the town by rail, jumping onto a steam train as it departs town. 
10. Steal some of the train's members top hats. This will be a cinch, as almost everyone will be wearing one. 
11. Take the steam train to a tiny hamlet, and rent a bed at the local inn. 
12. Acquiesce when the innkeeper's daughter asks you if you could help her make pie.
13. Gently flirt with her while helping with the pie.
14. Her father may notice. If he does, he will challenge you to a Trial by Combat.
15. Let's just say you should have a sword by this point.
16. Ah shoot. I probably should have mentioned the sword sooner. 
17. Welp, .....as long as you know karate, you should be OK.
18. Karate actually won't be much help against swords. I owe you one, ok?