Tomato Family Growing Feral Farmers

It was discovered on 5:55 AM Friday morning that a large crop operation on the edge of Hamsterdam Hill was not growing the usual variety of wheat, barley, or corn, but was in fact growing human farmers, who allegedly emerged from pods resembling giant snap peas. The farmers, wet and confused, have been stumbling into town, alarming residents.

“I found one diggin’ in my trash last night. Sames as all the others that came round here. White beard, trucker hat, and riled up as all hell,” remarked local hole examiner Laura McJorgensen, 41. “He was goin’ at it with my terrier, Jasper. They were both barin’ their teeth, growling and all that. Didn’t even bat an eye at the broom, had to bring out the hose on ‘em.”

Locals have been calling on the proprietor of the farm to control its crops, an effort that has failed so far. Some speculate it is because the owners of the farm are giant, sentient tomatoes.

Momma Tomato, as she is known around town, is often seen squeezing into a pickup truck after running errands at various shops. None seem to know how the limbless vegetable operates the motor vehicle, but theories abound.

“I think its mind control. Why, these tomatoes can grow farmers, certainly they’ve mastered a wheel, you know? BAH! Away! Dammit these fellers are frisky!” Said local hog washer Larry Lemon, 31, as he batted away a vicious, feral farmer with a rake.

Not all residents hate the tomato family’s mangy offspring. “You know what, I think they’re kind of cute,” remarked local paint taster Barbara Fartblocker, 61. “I don’t mind ‘em, honestly. If I have a little lasagna leftover, I’ll leave it on the back porch, and I’ll see ‘em come a runnin’ on all fours. I know I shouldn’t, but hey they gotta eat too, poor little rascals.”