Man Offers Only Memorable Moment of Bingo Game by Dying

Kwip Johnson, 42, of Lower Hamsterdam, gave participants of the local churchs' weekly bingo game their only mildly stimulating moment of the evening by collapsing and dying while celebrating his getting an "N". Eyewitness and fellow player Dana Fablab, 75, had this to say.

"It was very exciting. He even exclaimed "I think I'm having a heart attack, oh my god!' before clutching his chest and falling over. Then he hit his head on the way down and it made this loud sound. It was definitely the most awake I had been all evening. It almost felt like a motion picture." 

Local officials are looking into why the other participants of the bingo game did not attempt to help Johnson as he died. 

"Well it wouldn't have been very exciting if we had just called an ambulance right away." remarked Edna Rodgers, 84. "Excuse me for trying to spice up the evening a little bit. He was very fat as well when he fell it was quite funny he bounced slightly."

Police chief Fred Larder stating the following in this morning's press conference after no arrests were made. 

"I mean bingo is pretty boring. I can totally see thinking 'well, lets not be hasty. I wanna see how this plays out.' Plus I hear he was really fat and fell down. That does sound kind of funny when I picture it."